Beyond Lunch

On Friday Michael got to have lunch with his teacher as a reward.  I would think lunch with your teacher would be a punishment, but not lunch with this teacher.  We spent all week talking about lunch.  Where would they eat?  Would they eat with the other teachers?  What would they talk about?  I swear to you it was like he was going on his first date.  And then he decided he wanted to make her cookies.  Star Wars cookies.

Last year I would have mortgaged my house to pay for my private school.  Instead we found a reading tutor and we all, Michael, myself, Doug, the tutor, worked our asses off to got Michael where we needed to be.  When I found out who Michael's teacher was people kept telling me she was a gift from heaven. And I would roll my eyes, because no one could could be as wonderful as everyone was saying she was.

They were wrong.  She is better.  They say that every child will have one teacher that changes their life. This teacher, Michael's teacher, is that teacher.  There is no doubt in my mind.

I will never in my life be able to thank her for what she has given Michael.  Yes, she has taught him to read, and write, but it is more than that.  She has given him confidence and respect for himself and belief him himself.  She has given him school back and a love of learning.    

But it also taught me to let go of the bad and embrace the good.  A good teacher can make a world of difference for your child.  I've always known that, but now I have seen it firsthand.  

 

That Parent

I was talking to my friend Corey the other day about an issue going on in my life right now, and how to handle it, and he said this to me, "you will never regret advocating for you child."

I am an advocate in my profession.  And I am very good at it.  But when it comes to my daily life, I don't always take the advocate role.  Part of it is a fear of being seen as "that parent."  The one who screams and yells.  The one who makes mountains out of mole hills.  I also believe, maybe wrongly, that people have my child's best interest at heart.  The most people want to help.  That most people want to do the right thing.

I'm learning the hard way that that is not always true.  Some people do not have my child's best interest at heart.  Sometimes bureaucracy controls, or personality, or good old fashion anger.  Some people simply don't know what to do.  Some people, are simply wrong.  

I made a difficult phone call last week.  A phone call some people had been urging me to make for a while now, and in all honesty, I probably should have.  But I feared making an untenable situation worse.  But I got to the point where I wasn't sure it could get any worse.  And the person suffering the most was Michael.

I became "that parent."

20 years from now Michael is not going to remember the ins and out of exactly what is going on right now.  And I may not either.  But I always will be able to look at him and say "I advocated for you.  I was your fiercest advocate."  And that is the most important thing.

The Great Coat Caper

Michael has a tendency to leave things at school.  His coat, his lunchbox, his sweatshirt, we normally find them in his classroom or in the lost and found.  For some reason, his expensive winter coat that my mother bought became a problem.  It is frequently lost and shows up in another First Grade classroom.  I knew it was only a matter of time before it disappeared.  No matter how many times I talked to him about being responsible and keeping track of his things, well, he is 6.  And a boy.

We walk to school.  On Monday, I dropped him off at school with his coat.  On Monday, after school, I picked him up and he did not have his coat.  I sent him back to his classroom, no coat.  We checked the lost and found, no coat.  We searched all the first grade classrooms, no coat.  I figured it would show up Tuesday in the lost and found.  It did not.

Our conversation went something like this:

"Did you take your coat off at recess?"

"No."

"No?"

"I didn't wear my coat outside for recess because I didn't have it then."

"You didn't have it when you went outside for recess?"

"No."

"So, somehow, you lost you coat in between walking through the door at 8:30 in the morning and going outside at 11:30 in the morning?"

"I don't know."

"What happened to your coat?"

"I don't know."

I kind of figured he did have his coat on at recess and took it off and it would show up in the lost and found.  But no.  Not monday and not today.  And the child currently doesn't have a coat and it is really cold out and I don't want to buy him a new coat because I'm hoping the old coat shows up. Somehow. Magically.  You know, in the same way it disappeared.

So, guess who is giving up and buying a new winter coat tomorrow after school? Guess who is doing chores around the house to pay for said winter coat?  Guess who is getting lots of lectures on accountability and responsibility?  Guess who isn't allowed to touch any of Mommy's things because she doesn't believe he won't loose them?

I am so irrationally angry about this coat situation.  Also Target.  11 days before Christmas with a pissed of mom and a 6 year old who wants everything in sight.  I don't recommend it. 

 

ICE!

On Sunday, I was excited to be invited to experience ICE! at the Gaylord by the lovely women who run Momz Share and the Gaylord hotel.  The only thing that gave me pause was that this would be my third trip to National Harbor in three days, because I was there Friday to pick up my race packet and Saturday for the race, but I knew Michael would love it, and we had never been, so I decided to brave the drive again.

The day started off with a lovely milk and cookies reception thrown for us by the hotel, and then it was off to a Puss in Boots Scavenger Hunt.  When you solved the riddle, the people at the Concierge Desk gave you a prize.  I noticed this when I was at the hotel for Blogalicious, the staff at the Gaylord is seriously the nicest hotel staff ever.  Michael kept saying over and over again "this is the nicest hotel I have ever been to."

ICE! was seriously impressive, featuring the Madagascar characters carved from two million pounds of ice.  And ice slides you could race down.

Michael loved meeting all of the Dreamworks characters, which was a great preview for the Dreamworks cruise we are going on in February.  He refused to meet Puss in Boots.  I think it was the teeth or something.  

He also loved Gingey, who stands outside the area where you can build gingerbread houses.  

We also went ice skating, and had dinner while we were waiting for the tree lighting.  You really can spend a whole day with all the activites the Gaylord offers.

You can't tell in this picture but they made it snow during the tree lighting and all the Dreamworks characters were dancing around.  It was very fun. Even for me, who doesn't celebrate Christmas.

The day was so worth the 45 minute drive, even if I did do it 3 days in a row. Thank you Gaylord and Momz Share for a fantastic fun family day!

***My family and myself were invited to attend ICE! and the accompanying events for free in exchange for a post.  I was not compansated for this post.  All opinions are my own. (Dinner was not provided.)

 

Leveled

Like most elementary schools, Michael's does a leveled reading book system.  And last year he made very little progress.  So little, that in March I emailed his Kindergarten teacher and let her know I was concerned about how little progress he was making.  Her response to me was less than satisfactory.  And while I wasn't thrilled with her before that exchange, it all really went downhill in the Spring of Michael's Kindergarten year.

If you have been reading me for a while you may remember that Michael was pulled out of a preschool program because he was having, what they described as, "significant behavior problems."  Now whether or not they were significant and whether or not I should have done that is really water under the bridge. I will say they were HORRIBLE to me and they weren't so nice to Michael, but what has stuck with me, to this day, is that they told me he would never read  And last year, when he was sooo behind in reading, that was the only thing I could think about.  I felt like I had become one of those parents who couldn't handle what someone was telling her so she took her ball and went home.  

I've said it before, and I will say it again, I somehow always go back to, what if they were right?  What if Michael never reads?  What do we do then?

Right before Thanksgiving Michael's 1st grade teacher emailed me to tell me that she was moving him up two reading levels.  She didn't want me to be concerned or think she made a mistake, yes, his next reading book would look like he skipped a level.  But she tested him and he tested two levels higher. She then went on to discuss the progress he was making and how hard we was working.  How he was mastering his sight words and his "strategies" for when he didn't know a word.

Her email discussed how proud she was of him.  How proud we should be of him.

Michael is now where he needs to be at the end of this semester.  In February.  Yes, his best friend is already where he needs to be at the end of first grade, and I know kids reading at much higher level, but I learned an awful lot last year, and one of the things I learned was to stop comparing.  This is huge for Michael.  He has never been AHEAD in reading.  He has always been behind.

I think I can finally let go "what if they were right?"  I think I can safely say, unequivocally, old school, you were dead on, wrong.  About so, so many things.

 

He's Going To Get There

It is no secret Michael's early schooling was not easy.  There was his first preschool, that I really liked, but they broke his hand.  And then I moved him to the preschool that tortured us both, and we left, abruptly.  And then we went to the preschool of awesome.  And then we left for kindergarten.

And that was largely bad, mixed with the occasional not so bad  By the end I was counting down the days, screaming at the principal, and drinking heavily.  I was trying to figure out if there was any way we could pay for private school.  And then Doug got laid off.

Through it all we have struggled with "does Michael had ADHD?"  "Could he have learning disabilities?" Because the above history is not "normal."  Most kids do not have this much trouble in school.  I started this year with such trepidation and disdain.  My thoughts were well, we are going to give it one more year and then just figure it out.  Figure out how to do private school.

But Doug had been laid off and Michael was coming off this miraculous camp experience and a summer with a tutor that I want to come live in my house I love her so much.  And then he got the first grade teacher that everyone told me would change everything.

But still, I was doubtful.  "You don't get it,"  I would say to people.  "You have no idea where we have been.  I'm done trusting schools and trusting authority.  She may be the best thing ever but somehow it is not going to work for us.  There is just something about Michael and school, or at least public school, that doesn't work."

But slowly, I have seen a change in Michael.  He wants to succeed.  He wants to do well.  He wants to do right by his teacher.

I went in to last week's parent teacher conference nervous, because I still expect some kind of bad news thrown at me at the last minute.  But no.  His teacher raved about him.  And yes, he is still behind in some areas, but she said over and over again "he will get there.  I have no doubt.  I tell him everyday, I believe in him.  He will get there. You will be amazed the changes you will see over the next quarter. I'm not worried and you not should be worried either."

And yesterday Michael talked about how "lucky" he was to have "a reading teacher to come to my house." It was the most adorable thing I have heard.  "I'm so lucky to have a Hannah mommy.  Not everyone has a Hannah."  I kind of want a Hannah too actually.

He's going to get there.  I'm starting to believe it.  And if he doesn't, that will be okay.  Because we will figure it out.

_____________

The best post I've ever read about parent teacher conferences is by my friend Jean at Stimeyland.  If you have a special needs child, or a child who struggles, or even if you have one of those mythical "perfect" kids that I've heard of, read this. You should read Jean anyway.  She is one hell of a writer and I'm honored to call her my friend.   

I'm Not Sure If I Should Laugh Or Cry

I'm coming up on what is possibly the busiest two weeks of the year for me.  In between hosting Thanksgiving for both families, I have two major trials at work, Foster needs emergency surgery, Doug is starting a brand new job, so he is totally out of pocket, and Michael has just started spelling tests at school.  So on top of all of his regular homework, he has spelling homework.  While school thinks all of his homework should take "no more that 15 minutes a night in addition to reading and basic facts practice (WTF)" I have yet to talk to a parent that this is ACTUALLY the case.  He also moved up a belt in karate this weekend (yeah) and his classes are now an hour later on Monday nights.  Which means we get home an hour later.  So homework starts an hour later.  Maybe I'll make him do homework before we leave for karate.  I haven't decided yet.

I haven't set my Thanksgiving menu.  I haven't thought about Thanksgiving other than having Doug order the Turkey and mentally thinking, I need to find my Thanksgiving folder from my last year.  Every year I freak out about Thanksgiving and every year I swear I'm not going to do it again and every year I do it again. Where exactly is my Thanksgiving folder from last year?  I don't know either.  I lose that thing every year.   

I have started to get evites and emails to a bazillion holiday parties and brand events and I'm all, can I just get through the next two weeks?  And then I will think about cookie exchanges and Toys for Tots and Holiday Fairs.  I promise.  Give me two weeks.  If I owe you an email or a contest vote or a post or anything, I promise you will get it from me.  Give me two weeks.

I also haven't started Hanukkah shopping.  I still can't find anywhere to go for New Years weekend.  I bought an outfit, yesterday, for the event we have this Saturday night.  I feel like I'm always running about 20 minutes behind on everythng in life lately.

After writing about how I have nothing to say I have things to write about!   We went to see Spiderman the musical in NYC.  And my awesome parent teacher conference.  But I have no time or brain power to write about those things.  Instead I'm writing this riddiculous post about how I'm too busy to write a real post.  Bear with my please.  

And later this week it is the 5 year anniversary of jodifur!  I'm shocked too.

 

Obligatory Halloween Post

Halloween seemed to go on forever this year. With the class parties on Friday and trick or treating yesterday. And there was no school on Monday so all day all I heard was " when can I trick or treat?"

Michael was some dude from Star Wars. No matter how many times he tells me, I still have no idea.

I guess now I really have to pay attention to Thanksgiving.

Good Enough Is Good Enough

Dear Michael,

I don't tell you this enough, but I am so, so proud of you.  You have turned into this amazing young man, and you try so hard.  You try to do the right thing.  You try to be kind.  You try to be good.  You work at school, at soccer and in karate.  This weekend, when you were too sick to go to religious school you said to me, "you have to call religious school.  I don't want them to think I'm just not coming."

Michael, you are not going to be perfect at everything. And that is hard for you. You want to be the best at everything.  And I know you struggle with the fact that you still need extra help with reading, while some other kids in your class can read chapter books.  But your teacher and I believe in you so much and know you are making so much progress.  You need to stop comparing yourself to everyone else and just remember that you are you.  You are no one else.

You are my favorite person in the entire world.  You are funny.  You have a huge heart.  And you want people to like you so much.  You are going to be the most amazing man, and you are going to accomplish great things in your life.  But what I want you to remember more than anything, is that you are amazing, and you can do what ever you want.  

But you do not have to be perfect.

This post is part of Just Be Enough, where the prompt was to write a letter to your child, or to your future self.

 

 

In Which I Might Have Lost My Mind

Late Thursday afternoon I got a cryptic email from Michael's teacher that said something to the affect of, "I'd like to set up a conference with you to discuss how to make sure Michael has a successful year this year." And I lost my shit.  Seriously. Up until this point all reports were good.  He has a behavior notebook this year, like all first graders, and he may have had one or two minor incidents, but NOTHING like last year.  I had not heard from his teacher until this email.

I forwarded it to my sister, and Elena, and his reading tutor. WHAT COULD THIS MEAN?  "Things are bad aren't they? They are really, really bad, and no one is talking to me and WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

I by all accounts had a full fledged break down.  And I emailed the teacher back and was like, "I would be happy to meet with you, but I would like to know what we are discussing."

I didn't sleep at all Thursday night.  I was formulating PLANS.  How could we afford private school?  We cannot afford private school, that is not even a possibility.  But I cannot go through another year like last year.

Friday morning his teacher emailed me back to tell me that she wanted to discuss ways to improve Michael's reading.  And if I couldn't meet, she would be happy to do a telephone conference because she herself knows how hard it is to be a working mom.

And than it hit me.  I have school PTSD.  It's like I always expect everything out of school to be bad.  To be the worst possible scenario in the world.  She wants to helo Michael with reading, I WANT TO HELP MICHAEL WITH READING.  Look at that.

And so we met.  And people were not kidding when they told me she is a "gift from heaven."  She is kind, and loving, and smart, and invested in Michael.  And she gets him.  And doesn't care what happened last year.  "I'm not seeing any of that," she told me.  "He is going to get where we need him to be.  You have to let last year go."  

I'm going to take her advice.  I'm going to trust her.  I'm going to trust Michael. I'm going to trust that sometimes, even if it doesn't seem to be happening to me lately, sometimes things work out.