First

We survived the hurricane with minimal damage.  A 12 hour power loss, lots of downed tree limbs and branches.  Yesterday I went for a run and fell on one of those downed branches and sprained my ankle, which has now swollen to golf ball size.  

On Friday, before the hurricaine, we promised Michael a fun family day.  We would do whatever he wanted.  He wanted to go to the Air and Space Museum. The satellite campus in Virginia.  He had been on a camp field trip and couldn't stop talking about it.  He wanted to hold the map and be in charge. He wanted to tell us all the things he had seen.

Doug took the day off of looking for a job and came with us.  The first day Doug has taking off since he got laid off seven weeks ago.  Including weekends.

Michael told us all about what his tour guide had told him when he came with camp, and we read different signs to him.  We packed a picnic lunch and had a great day.  It was easy to forget that Doug is unemployed and Michael started school in 3 days, and a hurricane was headed our way.

 

Michael started first grade today, and he spent all weekend since Thursday's open house asking me, "when do I start school, when do I start school?"  I'm hoping this is a sign of a great year ahead, because I literally am not sure I can handle a year like last year.  I'm at my stress boiling point, and one more thing is going to be the thing to tips me over.  Then again, I always say that, and nothing ever does.

First grade.  New Teacher.  New Year.  New possibilities.

For all of us.

Total Randomness

• We leave for Disney on Thursday and my bedroom is currently piles of bags and boxes and things I CANNOT forget to pack.  I have not packed, thought about packing, or attempted to pack.
• Michael turns six tomorrow, he still does not know about Disney, I haven't decided yet how we are telling him, and I really need to do that.  (Yes, my traditional sappy post with video montage is all set to go.)
• I went to Target three times over the weekend and forgot a diffuser for my hairdryer each time.  It was on my list yet each and every time I forgot to buy it.  What the hell?
• For some crazy, ridiculous, insane reason, Michael's 6th birthday party is the weekend we get back from Disney, so the whole party has to be ready to go before we leave.  Ask me what I have done for that?  About as much as I have packed.  Actually, less.
• I've started downloading books from the library's e loan program.  Which is great, free books..except, it is was so comlicated it took me, Doug, and a youtube video to figure out how to do it.  Plus, you only get two weeks on each loan and my first book is almost 800 pages so I've been reading like it is my job and I have another book to read.  Plus, when it is due THEY JUST TAKE IT BACK.  There is no return or overdue.  I'm thinking this is not a good plan.
• I've been having terrible heartburn for a week now.  (No, I'm not pregnant.)  I've googled heartburn or heart attack like 500 times, leading me to believe that if I can google it, I am not in fact having a heart attack.  I should probably go to the doctor.  See above for the amount of time I have to do that.
• I went for a (short) run yesterday and did not keel over so I'm thinking I'm not having cardiac symptoms.  Yes?
• Did you know impending sense of doom is a heart attack symptom?  I didn't either.  I don't have that symptom, or any other symptom except a burning sensation around my heart, which I'm pretty sure is heartburn and not in fact a heart attack but that does not stop me from OBSESSIVELY GOOGLING.  Damn you google.  And heartburn.  And if I die in Disney I'm going to be really freakin' pissed. 

Alphabet Soup

We are having Michael evaluated again.  I haven't decided if I'm going to talk about that process here or not.  He's five, almost six, and his life, his privacy, is important to me.  I will say this was not a decision that was easily come to or made without careful consideration.

I remember last year when we went through this feeling like we finally got an answer.  But our answer wasn't really an answer, it was more of a maybe, maybe not, let's watch him. So we did, and there are concerns, so we will do this again.

Yesterday was a day full of disturbing phone calls and conversations, unfavorable test results and realizing some really hard truths about my self.  The past few months, I have retreated into myself in many ways.  It is so unlike me and I'm trying really hard not to do that anymore.  Life has gotten the better of me in more ways than one.

Years ago, in August of 2009 I flew to BlogHer with Amy.  And I told her I thought Michael had ADHD.  That was before all the preschool problems, before I even said the words out loud to Doug, or even processed the thought with myself.  I don't even know what made me say it, it might have been the xanax and the wine.  It probably was. 

In the end, when all is said and done and Michael is a grown up and we get through school, he is going to be okay.  I have no doubt about that.  The last thing I want from anyone is an I'M SORRY comment.  This is not that kind of post.  There is nothing wrong with him.  He is who he is and he is wonderful.  Not perfect, not fine, just exactly who he should be.

We are all going to be ok.

___________

Thank you all for making me laugh yesterday.  It was exactly what I needed.

 

In Which I Answer Questions

Remember when I had you guys ask me questions, and then I promptly ignored the questions and went on with my life.  Well, I'm answering some of them.

Roberta asked about my health.  Yes I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus.  And I'm very, very lucky.  I had a rough time in the beginning but since then I have had one Lupus flare.  One.  And I literally could not get out of bed and couldn't move.  And it has been almost 3 years.  (Knock on wood.)  I'm on plaquenil which keeps my immune system up and running.  My biggest complaint is that when I get sick I get really, really sick.  I can't seem to to shake thing when I get them.  Like I had pink eye for 2 weeks and the stomach flu for four days.  But otherwise, I'm doing ok.

Leticia wanted to know about Michael's pillow pets and how he is doing in school and if we regret our choice.  We have 8 pillow pets.  They all, except for my unicorn and Doug's bee, sleep on Michael's bed in a "pillow pet fort."  NO MORE PILLOW PETS.

As for school, I actually have never looked back.  Which is odd.  I'm not normally like that.  I feel like we made the decision with all the information we had at the time and either way we were right.  There are many reasons I'm glad we chose public school at kindergarten.  Socially, we definitely made the right call.  He has made many friends in the neighborhood, one of which he is playing with as I write this.  He is going to be in school with these kids, forever.  I'm glad he is making friends and he feels comfortable.

Academically, I really like his teacher, but sometimes I feel as if she is overwhelmed by the 22 kids in her class, and a lot of them have very strong personalities.  The school has responded quickly and effectively when I have had concerns about Michael, or when something has come up.  Is it perfect, no?  Will anything be perfect?  Probably not.

Kindergarten is tough, especially in this county, especially in this cluster.  There are times I feel like Michael is lagging behind the other students, and partly because the expectations feel a bit ridiculous.  Writing 2 sentence in January?  Reading at a level 6 in June?  The amount of homework this child gets is insane.

If I had all the money in the world we would be looking at private school.  But I don't.  So we are where we are and most of time I feel ok about it.  And we will see what happens as the years go on.

More answers to your questions to come.  Thanks for playing.

Hypothetically

Let's just say, hypothetically, your child had a medical issue.  It is not life threatening or mind altering and no one is going to die from it, but it is upsetting and a problem.  You see a specialist for said medical issue, as your pediatrician is out of ideas.  You explain how long said medical issue has been going on and everything you have tried to correct it.  And, after talking for 15 minutes, the doctor tells you to do the exact same thing you have already tried and did not work.  In fact, one might say this course of action failed miserably and caused more problems.  You try to explain this to the doctor and she nods her head and says, "no, no it was working, you just didn't give it enough time to work."  It becomes clear that this is the advice she gives all of her patients and she is not really listening to you, or your child.

Do you:

A. Run from her office screaming?

B. Nod your head, take the instructions, and leave knowing you will never go back there?

C. Think about what she said, talk it over with your husband, and decide like morons to treat your child like a guinea pig?

D.  Come home to a clogged kitchen sink and cry?

E.  All of the above.

Can't Win For Trying

I've been on somewhat of a health kick lately.  With the running, and the only organic food.  And the mamapop losers.  And I've lost some weight.  Not a ton of weight, but some weight.

I go to my rheumatologist bi-monthly for a lupus/RA general health check.  And I've been doing really well.  I haven't had a flare in a year (knock on wood) and the medications I'm on are miracle drugs.  But make no mistake, I'm on A LOT of medication for 35.  And if I don't take the medication I can feel it, pretty much immediately.  I have a chronic illness.  More than one chronic illness.  I know this.  I live it.  (Oh, and Lady Gaga, there is no borderline lupus.  You also cannot be a little bit pregnant.)

When I see my rheumatologist she asks me how I'm doing as well as reviews my blood work and does the normal doctor stuff, weight, blood pressure, etc.  She was alarmed by my weight loss.  She felt it was dramatic for the short period of time and was worried that it meant I was having some kind of unknown lupus flare.  And when I explained all the exercise and all the dieting she still thought it was a lot of weight.  (It's not, trust me.)

Unknown lupus flare?  I've had a lupus flare.  I'm pretty sure you cannot have an unknown lupus flare.  I pretty much wanted to die when I had my flares. 

So she ordered more blood work, because if my numbers were high that would signal something was wrong, and told me to pay extra close attention to any unusual swelling or fatigue.  And my blood pressure is high,  Did you know you had high blood pressure?  How is your exercise and diet? (For the record I love my doctor, but seriously?)

When I told Doug and my parents this story this prompted a 3 fold lecture on how I'm TOO THIN.  Hey, guess what?  I have been a lot of things in my life, but TOO THIN is not one of them.  Trust me on this.  I've seen me.  I'M FINE.

My blood work came back back IN THE NORMAL RANGE.  I'm not only not in a lupus flair, I'M IN REMISSION.  It is medication induced remission, but whatever, I'll take it.

But my blood pressure is still high, so maybe I need to work out more and watch what I eat.

It is enough to make you crazy.

Team WhyMommy's Virtual Science Fair

You all know I love Susan, and that Susan has a fight in front of her.  But today, us bloggers are not concentrating on Susan's cancer, we are concentrating on Susan the woman.  And specifically, Susan the scientist.  And to honor Susan, we all did something involving science with our children.

I'm pretty lucky.  Michael loves science.  In fact, he wants to be a scientist when he grows up.  He makes us call him a "science kid" and he talks about fossils, and paleontologists, and all kinds of other sciency stuff.  So, in order to honor Susan, we decided to take out the  Science Kit and Dinosaur Science Kit he had been given as gifts that had long been neglected.   

(We wanted to go to a museum but ended up in the ER instead.  So, we improvised.  And hey, an ER visit counts as Science.  Right?  Science kits!)

And even though we had done the kits before, he had just as much fun the first time.  And he learned new things about science and dinosaurs and rocks that he hadn't before.  That is why I love these kits.  They come with plenty of materials and you can do new experiments every time you do them.  But did I remember to take pictures...of course not!

What Susan loves, more than anything, is Science.  And what Susan needs, right now, more than anything is Science.  Research.  A cure.  Help.  Please.  

I also love the Curiosity Zone.  You may remember that Michael took a class there in December.  He was supposed to go back in April but due to scheduling issues was unable to attend.  But, I contacted the owner and she very supportive of Susan's situation and in support of Susan and ALL MY READERS she is offering 10% off on any camp, class, or birthday party with the code blogging4susan10%.  Michael loved his class at the Curiosity Zone.  (Full disclosure, I was not charged for Michael's class in December.  We fully intended to pay for our class in April, had we gone.  I contacted the owner about the blogging for Susan day and she offered this code to help.  IT WAS HER IDEA.)  It is a science fair.  WITH SWAG.

For me, this is a deeply personal cause.  It is not just Susan, but another close friend.  For all those of you in DC, there is a fund-raiser in Bethesda for breast cancer on Friday night.  Food, booze, and me, come hang out!!!!     

Susan, all my love.  Laura, all my love.  Let's kick this thing.  Both of you.

 

My Weekend By The Numbers 2

Remember this?  I liked it so much, I revived it. 

1: Trip to the ER.  Everyone is fine.  Michael collided with another child at a birthday party and was really complaining of pain in his side.  We called the pediatrician when the complaining became extreme and his side felt really hard.  Our ped talked about spleen rupture and broken ribs on the phone, and recommended a trip to the ER for an x-ray.  I thought this sounded a bit extreme, but what do I know?    The ER doctor released us with a clean bill of health but a list of things to watch for.  We got home and Michael of course started to have something not on the list.

2: Hours of freaking out if the thing Michael had was related to the blow he received or totally random.

3: Glasses of wine consumed during the freak out.  (Doug didn't consume in case we needed to go back to the ER.  We didn't.  Child slept like a rock that night.)

4: Hours by Michael spent running around the the next day after the Dr. told him to "take it easy."  Doug analogized this to the time a vet told his parents to "keep the cat off it's feet."

5:  Other bruises the ER doctor noticed on Michael.  I felt at the time it was necessary to mention I worked in child abuse.  I didn't think it matter but I started to get nervous.  He actually had just fallen at the playground the day before and got a bloody nose.  Baltimoregal on twitter said that he needed a "whole body armor."  I'm starting to agree.

7: New aps installed on my OLD iphone when I realized it still worked.  I could give it to Michael to run his aps and reclaim my iphone for phone calls.  It can't go online or make phone calls.  WIN, WIN.

10: Hours spent outside on a gorgeous Sunday.  Almost makes up for all the snow storms.  Notice I said almost.

12: Hundred times I really, really, missed bread.  How do people go low carb?  When is Passover over already?

I hope everyone had lovely Passover and Easter celebrations, or just a lovely Spring Weekend.

What do your weekend numbers look like?

Moms Can't Get Sick

So people, I'm sick.  And not Lupus/RA sick, but actually cold/flu sick.  I woke up Sunday morning feeling like crap.  But I decided to power through.  And I took Michael to his swim lesson.  And after his swim lesson we decided to take Michael for sandals, and I called the shoe store, yes that one, and they told me they had an hour to a 90 minute wait, and Doug said, "I feel like that is not bad for that place and we should just do it."  And I looked at him and said, "I literally can't function anymore."  And Doug said, "well, we need to go grocery shopping,"  And I just looked at him again.  And he said, "okay, you go home, I'll go grocery shopping."  At which point Michael decided he wanted to stay home with me.  And I said, "Michael, I'm taking a nap.  So if you stay home, you are taking a nap."  So Michael went grocery shopping.  Smart boy, that one.

I never nap.  I mean, never, ever, ever nap.  But at 2 I crawled into bed and woke up at 4:30 still feeling like ass but no longer like I wanted to die.  And the thing is, it was gorgeous here yesterday.  And I spent basically the whole day inside coughing and sleeping and generally complaining.  And the thing about autoimmune disorders is that when you do get sick you literally can't shake it, so I am going to have this thing for like a week, maybe two, and I just do not have time.

Before the petulance started, we had a lovely weekend.  I went to a girls night out on Friday, and got to spend time with some of my favorite bloggers in the world, and Saturday night Doug and I had a perfectly lovely and long overdue date night in the spectacular weather with dinner and wine and gelato and great conversation.  We try to do that at least once a month and every time we do I am reminded of how wonderful it is to get out, just the two of us, and how vital it is to our relationship to do so.

But just a slight tip.  If you don't want people to know you have a blog, don't leave the blog cards out for the babysitter to find.  Who is the niece of a coworker.  And sits for some of your friends.  Just a tip.  Put it in your back pocket.  (Hi Amy.)

And now, I feel like crap, and simply cannot shake this thing.  And parenting while sick, sucks. 

Forever in Blue Jeans

On Saturday I took the rare opportunity to go shopping.  By myself.  My need for pants was reaching epic proportions as most of my pants were too big on me.  And I'm not saying this to be all braggy, braggy, I'm saying it as a fact.

I have been overweight most of my life.  I was always a fat kid.  I actively cannot remember a point in my life that I was not on a diet.  Doug fell in love with me at my heaviest, so at least I know he loves me for me.  Right before our wedding I took off over 30 pounds and became the thinnest I ever was with a combination of Weight Watchers, exercise, and crazy OCD.  Weight Watchers points brought out this crazy OCD calorie counting side in me that was probably a borderline eating disorder.  But after the wedding my weight stabilized.  And then I had Michael, gained the requisite amount of weight and took it off in a reasonable period of time with the crazy OCD WW me again and exercise.  Gym daycare is a fabulous thing when you have five months of maternity leave.

And then I just became this person I stopped recognizing.  I always wanted to lose the last 10 pounds, to get back to my "wedding weight" but I worked out because I enjoyed it and it kept me sane and I ate reasonably well, mostly organic and non processed foods.  I learned to enjoy cooking.  But I also enjoyed wine regularly and an occasional treat and my weight was what it was.  I just stopped caring about it so much.  I learned to be happy.

The past six months or so weight has just been falling off of me.  I don't know if it was house stress or Michael stress or the fact that all my lupus meds say "may cause extreme weight loss" but, I no longer really pay attention or care.  I signed up for the mamapop losers because it is fun and Doug said "I'm not sure this is such a good idea."  I work out on the wii everyday and now, none of my clothes fit.

So I escaped to the mall on Saturday for the torture that is jeans shopping.  And after two hours (!) and discovering that it doesn't matter if you are a size smaller all jeans still look terrible on you, I sucked it up and hit the really expensive jeans department at Nordstrom.  And I tried on those brands that would never, ever, have fit me a short lifetime ago.  Those really expensive brands that only certain girls could fit into.  And they fit, and not even the biggest sizes.  But I looked at the price tag and decided it no longer mattered that I could fit into $200 jeans and walked across the hall into another department.  And I said to the salesclerk, "those jeans over there are too young for me, and these jeans are too old for me.  Don't you have any 30 year old jeans in this store?"  And she laughed and told me to go downstairs.

And I did.  And bought two pair for the price of the truly expensive jeans I could have bought upstairs.  And some cords that were seriously on sale, 2 sizes smaller than I normally wear. 

And then I came home and got dressed up for a date night with my husband, where we shared a bottle of wine and I had a fantastic espresso creme brulee for dessert.  Because while I like my new size, I like my life even more.

And then I worked out extra hard on Sunday to maintain it.