Settling Down

My life has felt in free fall since Doug get laid off in July.  That one thing, seemed to kick off an endless stream of events that made life, well, uncertain. Until that phone call, when he called and said, "they are letting me go," I was pretty sure we were financially stable.  To the extent anyone is financially secure. And now I live with this constant undercurrent of onmyg-d what could possibly happen next?

We went from the lay off to a the car accident to not even being able to feel settled in the new job. Because a week into the new job Doug got a call from a recruiter, there was a job that the recruiter felt would be perfect for Doug and did he want to interview?  And while it seemed crazy, because he had just started a job, he went on the interview.  And another interview.  And another interview. And thus started a two month long interview process that rivaled anything I've ever seen, while starting a new job and dealing with all the insurance crap from the car accident.  Oh, and meanwhile, Doug got really sick. You know, because who wouldn't?  (We won't mention that I basically told him to suck it up when I was at Blogalicious because all I wanted was a break.  Wife of the year I am.)

To make a very long story short, and I kind of teased some news in a recent post, Doug is changing jobs. Two months after starting a new job. Because doesn't everyone do that?

I'm hoping that this is why we never felt settled even when he found the new job. Because somehow we knew this was on the horizon.  I'm hoping that this new job brings peace and quiet into our lives. Because more than anything, that is what I need.  

That and a vacation.  A really relaxing vacation.  I'm looking at places to go for the New Years weekend. Anyone have any suggestions for family friendly activities to ring in 2012?  Because 2012 is going to ROCK.  It better.  I'm putting it on NOTICE RIGHT NOW. 

Blueprints For An Ark

It has literally been raining in DC since like the dawn of time.  I keep getting all the flash flood warnings on my phone.  (I know there are other parts of the country where flooding is a SERIOUS PROBLEM and schools are closed and buildings have collapsed.  I am by no means minimizing that.)  I'm not a really religious person but earthquakes, hurricanes, flooding, I'm starting to look for locusts and frogs and hide Michael from the slaying of the first born.  Isn't Passover in the Spring?  All the extreme weather events are getting a bit, well, extreme, to say the least?

But, I have cute rain boots so I get to wear those.  BRIGHT SIDE. 

In other news, because complaining about the weather is so "first world problems" we seem to have settled into back to school around here.  Michael ADORES his first grade teacher and I'm almost afraid to say it two weeks in but she really does seem to be a gem.  Doug is back at work and while this may not be his dream job, it is a job.  Now that he is out of the house 11 hours a day I miss having him around so much. Although the pay check and not having all the stress is certainly an added bonus.

We are in full swing fall mode with school fundraisers and soccer and karate and religious school starting soon and I'm starting to see Halloween costumes and pumpkins and apples everywhere.  And I volunteered to be room mom again. Because once is apparently not enough for me.

Enough about me.  How are you guys?  How is your weather?  Does anyone have the blueprints for an ark? Because seriously, will it ever STOP RAINING?

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Hey DCers?  Did you know it is Rockville Restaurant Week?  IT IS.  And I'm writing about it over at The DC Moms.  

10

We have done better, and we have done worse.

We have done richer, and we have done poorer.

I always say the best, easiest decision I have ever made was marrying you, and I have never regretted it.

Happy 10 year anniversary.

 

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Champagne Anyone?

My husband goes back to work tomorrow.

Thank you all for your support.  I could not have done this without you.

First

We survived the hurricane with minimal damage.  A 12 hour power loss, lots of downed tree limbs and branches.  Yesterday I went for a run and fell on one of those downed branches and sprained my ankle, which has now swollen to golf ball size.  

On Friday, before the hurricaine, we promised Michael a fun family day.  We would do whatever he wanted.  He wanted to go to the Air and Space Museum. The satellite campus in Virginia.  He had been on a camp field trip and couldn't stop talking about it.  He wanted to hold the map and be in charge. He wanted to tell us all the things he had seen.

Doug took the day off of looking for a job and came with us.  The first day Doug has taking off since he got laid off seven weeks ago.  Including weekends.

Michael told us all about what his tour guide had told him when he came with camp, and we read different signs to him.  We packed a picnic lunch and had a great day.  It was easy to forget that Doug is unemployed and Michael started school in 3 days, and a hurricane was headed our way.

 

Michael started first grade today, and he spent all weekend since Thursday's open house asking me, "when do I start school, when do I start school?"  I'm hoping this is a sign of a great year ahead, because I literally am not sure I can handle a year like last year.  I'm at my stress boiling point, and one more thing is going to be the thing to tips me over.  Then again, I always say that, and nothing ever does.

First grade.  New Teacher.  New Year.  New possibilities.

For all of us.

Finding Hope

This week has truly been lovely.  I thought I would have been struggling to fill the days but our days have filled up quickly with play dates and play grounds and lounging at the the pool.  Today we have a Disney event and then a school event. Where we meet his FIRST GRADE TEACHER.  How is it possible this child is in FIRST GRADE? (Michael is convinced his first grade teacher is going to be at the Disney event.  And he is still struggling with the Mommy is a lawyer and gets to go to all this cool stuff, thing.)

I will say that every single person I have mentioned Michael's teacher to, that is familair with the school, is like, "you got so and so?"  "She is a gift from heaven."  "You will LOVER HER."  "She is the natural progression from the teacher you had last year to the teacher you had this year.  It is the gift the school gives you."  

Michael's last session with our reading tutor was yesterday.  And she honestly was a gift from heaven.  I wanted to hug her legs and scream NO DON'T GO.  But she teaches during the year, and while she would have stayed with Michael, she wasn't convinced he needed it.  The person I wanted to give CASH MONEY TO, was all "let's get him to first grade and see how he does and then check in with me after the parent teacher conference."  And I was like "no don't leave me."  I get a little co-dependent when I find people I love.

4 more days and then Michael starts school and I go back to work and Doug, well, I have no idea.  But a hurricane is barreling towards our house and our power company is already telling us to prepare for "multi-day outages."  Because they are so reliable.  And I'm not even sure I care anymore.  Multi day outages, bring it on. Been there, done that.  And in sub zero weather!  I can do August!

For the first time, in a really long time, I'm hoepful.  And I'm holding on to it for dear life.  

Things I Have Learned Since Doug's Lay Off

1.  I do not need a cleaning service.

2.  I don't like cleaning the kitchen, but I don't mind cleaning the bathrooms.

3.  I don't need to get my nails done, I can do them just fine myself.

4.  My dog does not need a dog walker.  (Caveat, Doug is home all day.  He may go back to needing one when Doug gets a job.)

5.  People will never fail to surprised you with their kindness.  A reader sent me a restaurant gift certificate, with a note that was so wonderful it made me cry, just because.  Friends have taken me to lunch, for coffee, and bought Michael ice cream. People have called in favors, emailed us jobs, and called friends in the hopes of finding Doug something. One person, who saw me first, when all this started, and I was truly a mess said, "you need to be kinder to yourself."  And I have tried to remember that, the most.   

6.  Friends have also disappeared.  There are people who I thought would show up with a kind word, or a call, or email, that have not.  You learn who really is your friend, when the chips are down.  I always knew that, but nothing has shown it more than the past 6 weeks.

7.  People really, really don't know what to say. " I'm sorry" works.  "This really sucks" works too.  "I know someone this happened too and they didn't have a job for a year," not so good, even if that is true.

8.  All those errands I used to run, totally unnecessary, most of the time.  The only errand I have run since Doug got laid off is the grocery store.  Target, clothes, etc, nada.  And we are fine.

9.  Doug should never be allowed to go grocery shopping.  We cut our grocery bill in half simply by letting me do all the shopping.  Doug can not go grocery shop in an economical fashion.

10.  Michael is not getting one "back to school" purchase except for school supplies and shoes, because he needs both of those things.  All of his clothes fit and it will be just fine.  All of the back to school clothes shopping I used to do, because "he needs to start school with new clothes..." he doesn't.

11.  I used to buy makeup and hair products and shove them in a drawer because I didn't like them and buy something else.  They are working just fine right now.

12.  We used to spend way too much money.

My Weekend By The Numbers 3

1 and 2

1: Hour spent mowing the lawn.  Not by me.

1.5: Hours spent watching the Nick and Vanessa wedding special.  And I will never get those hours back in my life.

2: Hours spent walking around our favorite farmer's market on a gorgeous Sunday morning.

3: Hours spent freaking out about Doug's job situation.  This is down.  I promise.

4: Hours spent making fun of the email alert noise Doug's new phone makes.  It is all "EMAIL, EMAIL, CHECK ME NOW" with it's urgency.  I can't even explain the noise it is so ridiculous.  It can be heard 3 floors away in our house.  If he doesn't change the thing I'm seriously going to lose my mind.  Every time he gets an email I'm like "DOUG YOU GOT AN EMAIL CHECK IT CHECK IT CHECK IT."  Because the phone is that insistent.  I'm dying to know what it does for a text message.

5.  Hours spent on Pinterest.  I just can't stop pinning things.  

6: Homemade mojitos consumed, from Vicky's recipe.  This recipe rocks.  And definitely contributed to freaking out less about Doug's job situation.  

9: Loads of laundry.  How can 3 people have so much laundry?  It doesn't help that my washer and dryer are from 1963 and hold like one towel and Michael swims twice a day at camp and then we live at the pool and the swim laundry is enough to kill you.  I was hoping to be able to rectify that situation soon. Except my husband currently does not have a job.  And now I need to change the number above.

10: Hours spent at the pool.

10 million: Hours of will played by Michael.  Okay, maybe not, but it sure felt like it.

100 million: Degrees in Washington DC. Seriously, if this was July, what the hell will August look like?

How was your weekend?  Anybody buy a washer and dryer?  A front loader?  

I remember when I used to want shoes.  Oh wait, I still do.

 

Maybe Not

My happy, happy post was a little overly ambitious.  In a lot of ways Doug being home is nice.  He helps in the morning and is around a lot more and Michael LOVES Daddy being home.  Last night we had dinner at the pool.  And I'm never one to complain about spending time with my husband.

But he keeps getting all of these phone interviews, and I just want one person to bring him in the office. And all of the phone interviews end with "you will hear from someone in a few days" and then a few days go by and he doesn't hear anything and I want scream.  Is "you will hear from someone in a few days" the dating equivalent to "I'll call you?"

And then it is 2 o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep and I start to have these "what if we can't pay the mortgage?" thoughts. And "what about hebrew school?"  And "if he doesn't have a job when school starts should I pull Michael from after care?"  AND "GO TO SLEEP YOU IDIOT IT HAS NOT EVEN BEEN TWO WEEKS."

I also think I'm going to start looking for a full time job.  Which then makes me start to hyperventilate because what about Michael?  How will he adjust to full time after care?  How can my life have changed so much in TWO FUCKING WEEKS.

So right.  I'm back to freaking out and not sleeping. How are you guys?

And Then

Thank you all for your kind thoughts, emails, tweets, facebook messages, google + comments, and so on and so on.  Say what you what you want about the onslaught of social media but it sure gives people a lot of ways to get in touch with you in crises.  So many of you have asked for Doug's resume, offered support both in tangible and intangible ways, and you will never know how much that touched me.

There have been other aspects to this, the weekend I spent struggling with going back to work full time, only to have the option removed for various reasons.  Which was good, in a lot of ways, because I didn't want to make the decision.  I stopped eating, I stopped sleeping, I didn't even have a drink, for a week.  

And then, well, things started to look up.  Doug's new phone (Ohmyg-d he got a DROID.  I take this as a personal affront to my love of all things apple.) started ringing.  He had two interviews the first week he got laid off.  He got emails.  He wakes up everyday at 7 am and looks for a job until 10 at night.

I also got hungry and really, really tired.  And really, really weepy.  And then I remembered I needed to function.  (I also lost five pounds, which I took as the silver lining to this really dark cloud.)

And then the weekend came, and things started to look even better.

Michael swam in a mini meet on Friday.  Which was possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen.

 

On Saturday, Doug turned 40 and we had friends over.  Friends who knew us the first time and now, friends who love us no matter what.  Friends you laugh and cry with, and friends who hold your hand.  

 

I saw Rock of Ages on Sunday with one of my best friends, and I loved it the first time I saw it, and I needed so much to dance in the aisles to "Don't Stop Believing."

I'm eating and I'm sleeping again.  Not a lot, but I am, and don't worry, I've overcome my distaste for wine.  But more than anything, I'm pretty sure we are going to get through this.