And Then I Tried to Kill My Family With A Home Soda Maker

Let me preface this story by saying home soda makers are SAFE!  I WAS NOT FOLLOWING THE DIRECTIONS! DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! DO NOT SUE ME! 

(Legal disclaimer over.)

We have one of those "home soda makers," and since this post was sponsored by no one, and once you read it the makers of the "home soda maker" will probably not want to be associated with me, I will not tell you which one.  But I generally like it.  I don't drink soda, but I use it to make flavored seltzer water and Doug makes natural soda.

There is a warning that you should not fizzelate (our made up word for using the machine) after you add the flavoring.  But I messed up and thought Doug had already fizzelated so I added my seltzer flavoring. Not wanting to throw out an entire bottle of water and flavoring, I attempted to fizz it.  I figured what was the worst thing that could happen.

THIS IS WHEN I STOPPED FOLLOWING THE DIRECTIONS THAT CAME WITH THE PRODUCT.

If you are familiar with these home soda makers, you know that you infuse the water with CO2.  And when I did that with water that had already been flavored, the bottle exploded and water went everywhere.  I mean everywhere.  And the water was powerful.  It went on the ceiling.  It went across the room.  Doug ducked and thought he had been hit by a bottle.  Michael screamed.  It was all pretty dramatic.  And humorous.  

Directions people, this is why you follow directions.

When the dust settled I was soaking wet and laughing.  Doug did not think this was so funny because he thought I ruined the ceiling.  We cleaned up the water, realized the bottle managed to somehow survive, and once Doug calmed down he found humor in it as well.

Our ceiling is fine in case you were worried.  (I never was.)  We all survived my attempt to termite us all via home soda maker.

Lesson learned: when a product says not to do something, they are not kidding. Because you might die via fizzelation.

______________

Are you reading The Broad Side, from the brilliant Pundit Mom?  If you are not you should be.  I have a new post up about John Edwards and his delay in trial. I can not be the only one it occured to that he is making up the heart condition. 

Further Proof That The Appliances Are Conspiring Against Me

Yesterday I did about 8 million loads of laundry.  But I didn't really complain because I have my fancy, schmancy new Electrolux front loaders, that I love more than a human being should love a washer and dryer.  I came downstairs to move a load from the washer to the dryer and the washing machine door was locked.  The machine wouldn't turn on, light up, and none of the electric buttons would work.  This is the problem with these all electronic digital washing machines, I quickly realized.  When they break, they break with a load of wet clothes in them and the door won't unlock.  I very quickly freaked out.

"Michael, did you touch the washing machine?"

"No, I swear I didn't."

"I cannot believe I spent thousands of dollars on a washing machine and it breaks after two weeks.  Your father is going to kill me."

"You spent thousands of dollars on a washing machine? Do you even have thousands of dollars?"  (He is learning the value of a dollar quickly after he lost his $100 coat.)

It was at this point that I started frantically touching all the buttons and flipping to the "troubleshoot" section in the manual when I decide screw it, I'm just going to unplug it and plug it back in hoping that resets something enough to at least open the door that I can get the wet clothes out.  Then I will call Electrolux like a lunatic and get them out here to replace it.  

The stupid machine was unplugged.  Somehow the plug had fallen out.  No, I did not think to check that first.  Yes, I may be the dumbest person alive.

Lesson learned, check to make sure machine is plugged in first.  Isn't that what every IT help desk says?

 

I Wasn't Kidding About The Appliances

Before Thanksgiving I was absolutely convinced that the appliances in my house were out to get me.  My dishwasher was revolting and I had locked my oven and was unable to unlock it.  The night before Thanksgiving.  There was some yelling and crying and possibly cursing.

But we survived and Thanksgiving was had.  And through it all my 1963 washer and dryer stood there. Mocking me, refusing to die.  Until last night I was in the middle of load 852 and Doug came upstairs and said "your wish may have finally come true, the washer just died.  Mid cycle."

I may have done a little dance.

Guess who is front loader shopping today?  Any suggestions? 

The Appliances Are Conspiring Against Me

I had grand plans for yesterday.  I was going to get a head start on Thanksgiving cooking and cleaning. Until, I opened my dishwasher to discover that it hadn't exactly cleaned our dishes from yesterday.  I'm not sure what it did, but the dishes were not clean.  And the tab didn't dissolve.  So I ran the load again, same thing. And then I called Doug at work and had a mini break down.

See I do Thanksgiving for a lot of people with china, and silver, and crystal.  Now my dishwasher isn't working.  Yeah, not so happy.

The thing is this dishwasher is a little over a year old.  And the one we replaced was only 5 years old when it died.  And we just replaced a not even 5 year old oven.  We have already replaced the starter in our not very old fridge.  But the washer and dryer, the ORIGINAL WASHER AND DRYER to my house, from 1963, those are NEVER GOING TO DIE.  And Doug has this theory that we will only replace things as they die.  So I have a washer that holds a towel and it takes me about a million loads of laundry to do laundry for 3 people.

Dishwasher tips?  I've googled. I've turned the hot water heater up.  I've done a vinegar rinse.  But the dishes are still only coming out 50% clean and I don't have time for a dishwasher repair man, especially since this thing is still under warranty and Kitchen Aid can't send someone out for a week.

This may be my first Thanksgiving with paper plates.  I'm kind of liking that idea.

Some Call It Spring Cleaning

Doug and I spent all day yesterday cleaning out Michael's play room and room. I've done it before.  It seems like it is a yearly project.    And by out I mean out. We got rid of toys that haven't been played with in years, and his books are now organized and many are in boxes to be donated.  The logic is this, in a month, he is going to get a whole new crop of toys, and I couldn't deal with the crap anymore. There was literally crap, wall to wall, in this house.  

We made four piles, keep, donate, sell at the consignment store, pitch.  The funniest was I wanted to pitch everything.  And Doug was all, "well, I don't know." And I'm like "throw it out!!!!!"  "We will be here for hours if you are going to hem and haw over every single action figure and plastic dinosaur.  Let's get a move on here."

This was about halfway.  It got much worse before it got better.

Michael was at religious school while this was going on, and while at first he was upset at this idea that some of his toys were going away, when he started looking threw his toys bins, he was amazed at the amount of toys he hadn't seen in years because they were buried at the bottom of a toy bin somewhere. He spent the rest of the day happily playing in his play room, not complaing that he couldn't find anything.

We have a new rule in this house.  When you are done playing, things get put away.  If they don't get put away, they get thrown out.  Because I'm not spending hours of my life cleaning toy rooms out anymore.  I give this rule a week before it is no longer enforceable, but I'm happier with a clean play room.  

If I could just keep the toys out of my living room.

 __________________

The winner of the anniversary contest, as chosen by random.org, were Issa and Laurie.  Congratulations! Thanks everyone for reading and entering.

And in case you are interested, my favorite thing I have written this year is, Everything I Need to Know In Life I Learned From Kindergarten Soccer.

Trading Spaces

I used to love the old TLC show Trading Spaces.  I've never really gotten into HGN or Extreme Makeover Home Edition, but I loved Trading Spaces.  How they would remake a room in such a short period of time with limited resources and limited space.  I always wanted to be able to do something like that.

I'm a terrible decorator.  Truly.  I want to be a good decorator.  I like pretty things. But in the end I just don't have a good eye for space or detail.  My husband, on the other hand, is good at that kind of stuff, but we can't seem to agree that putting money into nice stuff for the house is where our money should be.  Because we have a 6 year old.  And a dog.  And nothing stays unmarked or clean for very long.

I have wanted new dinning room furniture since we moved 2 years ago.  My dinning room furniture was 10 years old, and while technically still functional, was all scratched up and didn't fit into the new house.  And was too old and engulfed the room and every time someone sat in one of the chairs they bumped into the china cabinet.  And let's not mention the time Michael took a pen to one of the chairs. I was never able to correct that.   

See, big, heavy oak.

I wanted sleek and clean and dark wood.  I had my heart set on this furniture we had seen in a house we saw when we were looking for houses.  I wanted to buy the house simply for the furniture.  In fact, when we bid on the house, I asked my realtor if we could have the furniture.  "It's show furniture," he said. "You can buy it, but it is the most expensive way to do it."

I'm an easy sell.  Put brand new furniture in a clean house and I'm all, "BUY, YES, WANT."  Our realtor tried to talk us out of that house but we bid on it anyway.  We didn't get it for reasons that don't matter, and he was right, we are much happier here, but I still want their furniture.  And the washer and dryer.

I was finally able to convince Doug that new dinning room furniture was a neccesity.  It had to do with hosting Thanksgiving for the 10th year in a row and me threatning to maybe lose my mind if I had to do it again with people banging into the china cabinet.  And there was left over severance money from when he was unemployed and Columbus Day sales and sometimes, well, I get what I want.

I love it so much I never want to leave.  I find myself just sitting in the dinning room and telling Michael not to touch things. 

But I don't think the drapes go anymore.  Which leaves me with this question? What color drapes?  Black? Red?  Our dishes are black and red.  Bring in another color?

What room can I redo next?

 

First

We survived the hurricane with minimal damage.  A 12 hour power loss, lots of downed tree limbs and branches.  Yesterday I went for a run and fell on one of those downed branches and sprained my ankle, which has now swollen to golf ball size.  

On Friday, before the hurricaine, we promised Michael a fun family day.  We would do whatever he wanted.  He wanted to go to the Air and Space Museum. The satellite campus in Virginia.  He had been on a camp field trip and couldn't stop talking about it.  He wanted to hold the map and be in charge. He wanted to tell us all the things he had seen.

Doug took the day off of looking for a job and came with us.  The first day Doug has taking off since he got laid off seven weeks ago.  Including weekends.

Michael told us all about what his tour guide had told him when he came with camp, and we read different signs to him.  We packed a picnic lunch and had a great day.  It was easy to forget that Doug is unemployed and Michael started school in 3 days, and a hurricane was headed our way.

 

Michael started first grade today, and he spent all weekend since Thursday's open house asking me, "when do I start school, when do I start school?"  I'm hoping this is a sign of a great year ahead, because I literally am not sure I can handle a year like last year.  I'm at my stress boiling point, and one more thing is going to be the thing to tips me over.  Then again, I always say that, and nothing ever does.

First grade.  New Teacher.  New Year.  New possibilities.

For all of us.

Things I Have Learned Since Doug's Lay Off

1.  I do not need a cleaning service.

2.  I don't like cleaning the kitchen, but I don't mind cleaning the bathrooms.

3.  I don't need to get my nails done, I can do them just fine myself.

4.  My dog does not need a dog walker.  (Caveat, Doug is home all day.  He may go back to needing one when Doug gets a job.)

5.  People will never fail to surprised you with their kindness.  A reader sent me a restaurant gift certificate, with a note that was so wonderful it made me cry, just because.  Friends have taken me to lunch, for coffee, and bought Michael ice cream. People have called in favors, emailed us jobs, and called friends in the hopes of finding Doug something. One person, who saw me first, when all this started, and I was truly a mess said, "you need to be kinder to yourself."  And I have tried to remember that, the most.   

6.  Friends have also disappeared.  There are people who I thought would show up with a kind word, or a call, or email, that have not.  You learn who really is your friend, when the chips are down.  I always knew that, but nothing has shown it more than the past 6 weeks.

7.  People really, really don't know what to say. " I'm sorry" works.  "This really sucks" works too.  "I know someone this happened too and they didn't have a job for a year," not so good, even if that is true.

8.  All those errands I used to run, totally unnecessary, most of the time.  The only errand I have run since Doug got laid off is the grocery store.  Target, clothes, etc, nada.  And we are fine.

9.  Doug should never be allowed to go grocery shopping.  We cut our grocery bill in half simply by letting me do all the shopping.  Doug can not go grocery shop in an economical fashion.

10.  Michael is not getting one "back to school" purchase except for school supplies and shoes, because he needs both of those things.  All of his clothes fit and it will be just fine.  All of the back to school clothes shopping I used to do, because "he needs to start school with new clothes..." he doesn't.

11.  I used to buy makeup and hair products and shove them in a drawer because I didn't like them and buy something else.  They are working just fine right now.

12.  We used to spend way too much money.

Advice Needed

My best friend is potty training twins, 3 and half year old boy and girl twins. It is not going well.  I have very little advice for her other than, potty training sucks, and the reason I'm not having another child is so I never have to potty train again.

I'm only partially kidding.

She asked me to post this, and please leave any advice you have in the comments.  Thank you!

The Boy Child:

Has anyone had a 3.5 year old boy who is pee trained but not poop trained?

He will poop in the potty most of the time at home, but if he is at a playground or out of the house he just goes in his pants and does not care.  Bribery does not seem to work.  Any suggestions?

Also, he only seems to have a 10 second warning system on his poops.  So even if he does tell us we often miss the potty.  Does the warning system lengthen over time?  How long will this take?

The Girl Child:

She has had constipation issues, but now with the right medicine we seem to be doing ok in that regard.  However, she now seems to just poop in her pants and then lies about it.  When you ask her about it (i.e. you smell it) she throws a fit.  Any advice?  Also, bribery does not seem to work.

Also, although she can pee on the potty she only does it when she feels like it. So sometimes she has three “accidents” a day.  In fact, recently she had a “accident” while going out for reward ice cream with Michael.  Thoughts?

 

My Weekend By The Numbers 3

1 and 2

1: Hour spent mowing the lawn.  Not by me.

1.5: Hours spent watching the Nick and Vanessa wedding special.  And I will never get those hours back in my life.

2: Hours spent walking around our favorite farmer's market on a gorgeous Sunday morning.

3: Hours spent freaking out about Doug's job situation.  This is down.  I promise.

4: Hours spent making fun of the email alert noise Doug's new phone makes.  It is all "EMAIL, EMAIL, CHECK ME NOW" with it's urgency.  I can't even explain the noise it is so ridiculous.  It can be heard 3 floors away in our house.  If he doesn't change the thing I'm seriously going to lose my mind.  Every time he gets an email I'm like "DOUG YOU GOT AN EMAIL CHECK IT CHECK IT CHECK IT."  Because the phone is that insistent.  I'm dying to know what it does for a text message.

5.  Hours spent on Pinterest.  I just can't stop pinning things.  

6: Homemade mojitos consumed, from Vicky's recipe.  This recipe rocks.  And definitely contributed to freaking out less about Doug's job situation.  

9: Loads of laundry.  How can 3 people have so much laundry?  It doesn't help that my washer and dryer are from 1963 and hold like one towel and Michael swims twice a day at camp and then we live at the pool and the swim laundry is enough to kill you.  I was hoping to be able to rectify that situation soon. Except my husband currently does not have a job.  And now I need to change the number above.

10: Hours spent at the pool.

10 million: Hours of will played by Michael.  Okay, maybe not, but it sure felt like it.

100 million: Degrees in Washington DC. Seriously, if this was July, what the hell will August look like?

How was your weekend?  Anybody buy a washer and dryer?  A front loader?  

I remember when I used to want shoes.  Oh wait, I still do.