Maybe, Someday

I was driving in the car last week and a song came on the radio and it was a song I had never heard before.  It reminded me of this, and how hopeful I was when I wrote it, how I really believed things would be better when we moved.  How I didn't know what what was coming.  How wrong I was.

And all of a sudden I was crying, for no reason.

On Saturday my parents spent the day with Michael and Doug and I went to see Jersey Boys.  I had already seen it when I went to New York with my mom and sister but I really wanted to see it again.  Doug hates musicals but I managed to convince him he would like this since it wasn't a musical, musical.  And he did like it. 

There is a line in the show that "nothing bad lasts for long."  I keep waiting for that to be true.

Doug and I had a lovely day.  We went for a drink before the show and talked about things other than the Michael crises.  We actually talked about the Keeping Up With The Kardishians wedding because I had watched it recently without ever having watched a minute of the show before and really wanted to know, why are we keeping up with the Kardishians?  We held hands as we walked through DC and laughed, really laughed, for the first time in a long time.

But in the back of my head I thought about Michael.  I worried about his behavior for my parents.  Michael has always been a well behaved kid for other people, but with the reports from the school, I have no idea what to believe anymore.  When we picked him up, my parents assured me he was perfect.  And this was not grandparent perfect, this was perfect.

And this brings to my point.  A child can not have a disability in one setting.  It is impossible.  Michael cannot have Oppositional Defiant Disorder in school, and no where else.  It does not work like that. 

I'm going to say this, because I don't think he can hear it enough.  I'm going to say it here and I'm going to say it to Michael everyday.  Michael, I believe in you.  I believe you are fine.  I believe there is nothing wrong with you.  What is going on is an adult problem, not a kid problem.  You will be fine.  I believe in you.

Comments

[SciFi Dad]

You have to stay strong for him. You are his advocate. It will work out.

[sue]

:) You are on the right track!

[Jessi]

I agree. If you try hard enough, any kid can be diagnosed with something. They are quirky little creatures. If the problem only exists at school, then it stands to reason that it's the school's problem and not Micheal's. I know things will work out soon and the end of the bad will come.

[Angela]

I think you've hit the nail on the head here. And since we pulled him out of that school, Nicky's proven to us the same thing. He's been a perfect, polite little boy since we took him out of school. And I'm confident that when we put him back in a new school in Spring (one that isn't so rigid) we'll find he'll do just fine there too.

You tweeted about not knowing how to trust your gut, or not being sure what your gut was telling you. I think this post shows your gut is pretty clear. It's a leap of faith from here, but you guys can do it. And in 6 months, this will all be just a faded memory of a squirrelly time.

[Life As I Know It]

Follow your gut...I have a lot to say, but won't say it all here.
It sounds like Michael is fine. Could it be that he's not happy at his school, which is why he may be acting out there? Lots of times they can't verbalize something that may really be bothering them. (I don't know all the details....just read the last few posts).

Sometimes it helps to take a giant step back and pretend as if you are looking back at this moment from the future. It helps me to put things into perspective if I'm really worried about something. Also, remember that they are still really little! They grow and change and enter new phases of behavior and cognitive development quickly. He may be a completely different kid next year in Kindergarten. My older son matured and changed SO MUCH in the summer between preschool and Kindergarten.

Hang in there - email me if you want...

[Stacy]

i love rob thomas. sounds like a fun day in dc!

[Sarah]

Love Rob Thomas. And I agree. If he truly had ODD he would exhibit that behavior in all settings. I've worked with kids with that disorder and they can't turn it on and off based on setting. If the only place he is acting up is at school then it stands to reason it has more to do with the school than with Michael. I've read your blog for more than a year now and read all about Michael. He sounds like a sweet, smart, perfectly normal little boy. The fact that there is such a drastic change lately seems completely out of character from the little boy I have read about for so long. Hang in there!

[Mom]

He really was perfect everywhere we took him. We had zero problems. He really asked for nothing except a sticker book. We wanted to take him for ice cream and he turned us down because he had dessert at lunch. We will be happy to babysit anytime you need us to. Dad and I had a wonderful time with Michael. It truly was a terrrific day. Love, Mom p.s. You never have to worry when he is with us we never have a problem.

[Miss Grace]

I believe in Michael too. I also believe in you. You will both get through this.

[Wife and Mommy]

Hey Jodi--I'm following along but haven't said much. Just know I'm listening and you have my full support. You're doing right by your son.

[rebecca]

I just want to say thank you. I have been following what is going on, and dealing with my own daughter's maybe sensory/maybe not issues. And this is the best thing I have heard. And this is what I will tell her and myself every day. If there are issues, I will get help, of course. But remembering that everything will be fine and I believe in her...that is powerful.

[ella]

I've been thinking about Michael's situation in relation to our own son and although their situations are not the same we have come to the realisation that school is very definitely part of the problem for us, for the same reason as you say, that is, his behaviour is not consistent. It is a behavioural response to something that is troubling him that he can't express any other way. The question now is what to do about the school. But that seems less important than believing in our own children and it was good to hear you say the same thing.

[Headless Mom]

Yes, yes, yes. I think you're right, and they are wrong.

BTW, happy blogiversary!