I'm Doing That Other Annoying Blogger Thing Where I Blog About Blogging

I'm kind of in a weird place.  I just cannot come up with things to write about,  I don't know if it is because things are relatively calm, (and even as I type it I think, don't say it, the world will blow up if you say it), work is kicking my ass, more people are reading this blog, certain people are reading this blog, or I am still living in fear that other people will find this blog, but I am just finding this medium stifling.  (But apparently not stifling enough for the longest run on sentence known to man.)  I normally draft 4-5 posts on the weekends and I sat down and just stared and stared and stared and eventually wrote something and then screwed up and posted it early.  I know that this is not up to my normal standards. 

I'm not saying I'm quitting.  I'm not even saying I'm taking a break, because every time I do that I don't even take a break.  I'm just asking you all to bear with me while I figure out where I go from here.

I'm constantly shocked anyone reads this.  One I first started I was like wow, 20 people visited today.  Wow, 100 people visited today.  And now I have been asked to speak on a panel about blogging and social media.  Seriously?  I'm an expert on nothing.

It's not that I don't love blogging, I do.  It's not that I mind being labeled a "mommy blogger," I don't.  I know a lot of people do, but I don't care.  It's just that I'd like to be more than that.  I'm not saying I want to be bigger or need more traffic, I just don't want to be "just a mommy blogger." 

I think I need to decide to tell people, or not.  And if I'm not going to tell people, how long can I really live in the closet.  Because this space, and the people I have met have become such an integral part of who I am, that it almost feels like lying every time I see someone who doesn't know about it.  Then again, I'm not sure I can handle more "real life" people reading.  Which leads me to where I am now, at a cross roads.  Doug thinks I am a destined to be found out and I might as well come clean anyway.

I'm also a little sick of all the me.  (I hate, hate, hate the term "navel gazing.")  I'm really not all that interesting.  Maybe I'm having a blogging mid life crises?  And I miss the me before I started blogging.  I miss watching tv, actually watching tv.  Not listening to tv while surfing the internet and playing on twitter.  I miss reading books.  I love books.  And bubble baths.  And knitting.  Although I can't blame that on blogging.  I can't knit anymore because my hands hurt too much from the RA.

Perhaps I just need better boundaries.  Perhaps I don't need to answer every comment that is left on every blog I write for by email.  Perhaps I write for too many blogs.  Perhaps I need to actually close the laptop and turn off the iPhone.  I  need to play with Michael more.  I need to be present.

I have absolutely no idea what any of this means.

I'm asking for some time and patience while I figure it all out.  That may mean less posts.  But I promise I'm not going anywhere.

Comments

[Karen MEG]

Are you inside my head? I'm still working on a book I got for Christmas.

I just found you through twitter, and thanks, you've taken me away from another TV program :).

[Mrs. Wilson]

I totally get it. I've taken a couple "breaks" and I've found that, even after a day or two or three, I'm refreshed. I hope you find your "niche" back (or period). I've heard before that people have kept their blog from certain people, but I've only heard about it after it's been found out and all hell has broken loose. I hope you figure it all out :)

[Mike Licht]

Why don't you do what other bloggers do when they're stuck? Write about how blogging is dead, and how you know because so many people blogged about it.

[Janna]

I totally understand where you are coming from, as I am in a bit of a blogging funk right now. Take your time away. but we will miss you.

[Jill]

I think you're right... you need to live life in order to have material to blog about! Take your time and enjoy every minute!

[Cagey]

It's good to take breaks.

[Jamie Bowden]

It's your space. use it as much or as little as you want. You KNOW this, but sometimes, a reminder never hurts. You don't owe the people who follow you anything more than you choose to give.

[marty]

I don't think it's annoying to blog about blogging. At least I hope not because it's what I did this morning too :)

I totally agree though - about being present, and spending an evening doing ONE thing, not something while I surf and Twitter. Maybe I'll do that tonight.

I hope you find your groove again soon.

[Angela]

In my opinion (as a still small to the point of non-existant blogger) I don't think it's necessary to respond to every comment via email. I mean, I think it IS one thing that led to your popularity because it does make your readers feel special. But now that you have so mnay readers I can't imagine that you possibly have enough time to respond to everyone!

I can't speak for everyone, but I know it wouldn't keep me from coming back if you didn't answer every comment (although of course I love to hear from you!) and I know I don't get or expect an email from the other bloggers I read either. I leave comments as more of a gift to you. Not in anticipation of gaining something for me. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I can definitely empathize with the audience stifling your writing thing. There are often things I'd like to write about, but I have family, friends and co-workers (including my boss) who have the URL of my blog so it really limits what I feel like I can say. I have to keep it happy and positive for my mom. I can't talk about work because it'll get back to them. I can't really talk about friends unless it's general and upbeat.

I've often thought of creating a new, more anonymous blog just to really be able to explore my writing more without those worries.

But so far I just put them all in the comments section of your blog! lol

[BananaBlueberry]

xo !

[Kate @ http://lipstickdaily.com]

I'm completely there with you! The "who do I tell about my blogging" and if I do tell them, will it be harder to be completely honest? I love writing and sending my most honest thoughts out into the ether. Somehow having work colleagues or certain others know about it makes it hard to let it all hang out.

Live your life. Relax, we'll be here! And in the end, you'll have even more to talk about :)

[Kate @ http://lipstickdaily.com]

I'm completely there with you! The "who do I tell about my blogging" and if I do tell them, will it be harder to be completely honest? I love writing and sending my most honest thoughts out into the ether. Somehow having work colleagues or certain others know about it makes it hard to let it all hang out.

Live your life. Relax, we'll be here! And in the end, you'll have even more to talk about :)

[Kate @ http://lipstickdaily.com]

I'm completely there with you! The "who do I tell about my blogging" and if I do tell them, will it be harder to be completely honest? I love writing and sending my most honest thoughts out into the ether. Somehow having work colleagues or certain others know about it makes it hard to let it all hang out.

Live your life. Relax, we'll be here! And in the end, you'll have even more to talk about :)

[Kate @ http://lipstickdaily.com]

I'm completely there with you! The "who do I tell about my blogging" and if I do tell them, will it be harder to be completely honest? I love writing and sending my most honest thoughts out into the ether. Somehow having work colleagues or certain others know about it makes it hard to let it all hang out.

Live your life. Relax, we'll be here! And in the end, you'll have even more to talk about :)

[Corey J Feldman]

I had no idea that some people don't like the term mommy blogger. Hopefully no one I have linked to as such. I for the record do think of myself as a daddy blogger, a Lit blogger, a geek/tech blogger - well provided of course I find the time to blog...

[Corey J Feldman]

I had no idea that some people don't like the term mommy blogger. Hopefully no one I have linked to as such. I for the record do think of myself as a daddy blogger, a Lit blogger, a geek/tech blogger - well provided of course I find the time to blog...

[Sabrina]

I am right there with you.

[Peggy]

Break away baby! We'll be here when you're ready to fill us in!

I completely understand! My blog is not that popular so I don't feel pressured to write something everyday and that's why it's fun!

Hang in there...go read a book! :)

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

Whatever you decide, I'm sending good luck wishes your way!

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Don't you dare reply to this comment.

I have recently taken up reading books again b/c that was always such a huge part of me and it really disappeared with Twitter, FB, reading blogs and blogging. But. . .not tonight---I'm watching TV, twittering and reading blogs. So, we're only human, right?

[carma]

I spent 3 days away from the computer, with people who don't know I blog and probably have no idea what a blog is for that matter. It was kind of freeing!! I know what you mean about just watching tv or reading a book, without thinking of your next blog post, or if there is any subject matter contained in the tv show that would make a great post or that you don't have enough posts lined up for the week. When we are too goal-oriented it can almost become a job! I'm guessing you'll come back stronger then ever - just a hunch!

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Just post when you feel inspired. You don't need to be on a schedule.

It is harder to stop than to keep going.

I assure you.

[Andrea]

Do whatever you have to do. No one says you have to write everyday or respond to each and every one of us.

Take a break, I know I'll be here when you return.

[Musings from Me]

I love getting e-mails from you on the comments I leave. You are one of the three bloggers I read who consistently do this. But, I always wonder at the time it must take to answer the comments. Very time-consuming. So, you could stop responding to comments and I will still read your blog. Never fear!

I've only been blogging a short time. I started out anon. A month or two ago I posted my blog url on Facebook. A few click on to my blog, but not many. I have two theories -- (1) my blog is too boring to bother about -- very possible! and (2) there are bloggers and nonbloggers -- likely. Most of my friends barely respond to e-mail let alone read a blog. In fact at a parent meeting at school 2 moms said they delete all e-mails about the school as they prefer getting phone calls. WTF? Hello, 2009!

Take all the time you need.

[Waildece]

now I'll stay tuned..