The Origins of Calm The Duck Down

Last week I went to the post office to send my friend Dena's daughter a copy of the movie Beauty and the Beast.  Her daughter loves it and Michael is terrified of the Beast and the movie is in the stupid vault thing and she couldn't find a copy of it anywhere.  So I told her to keep the copy until Disney released it from the vault and then just send it back to me.  Makes sense right?  (On a side note, can someone explain the stupid vault thing to me?  Can't Disney just keep a movie out?  Wouldn't that say, make them more money then people not buying the movie?)

I abhor the post office.  The employees suck.  It takes forever.  The post office is everything that is wrong with government.  And yes, I know it is not government anymore and it is still everything that is wrong with government.

I got there and there was a woman at the counter with TEN PACKAGES.  She stood at the counter ADDRESSING her 10 PACKAGES while the one postal clerk stood there and the woman in front of me in line lost her mind.  She got more and agitated and started screaming, "can't you call someone from the back or are they all having tea and crumpets."  "Who brings ten packages to the post office?"  "You should step back when addressing your packages!"

At which point the woman at the counter starts screaming, "I'm sending these packages to our service men and women in Iraq and I don't know how to address packages to go to Iraq and you should be grateful for your civil liberties at the fact that people are not shooting at you and learn some patience."

And these two women keep screaming at each other and the postal clerk does not call anyone from the back to help her.  At which point I twitter, "on what planet is appropriate for two grown woman to scream at each other in the POST OFFICE?"  Because really, the line would go so much quicker had they not been yelling at each other.

And then I twittered, "they need to calm the duck down."  Because I wasn't sure I could say fuck on twitter.

And I called Doug and said, "you know how much I hate the post office," and he said, "what happened now" because I swear to G-d everytime I step into the post office something crazy happens.

Comments

[Kurt]

You have to be careful at the PO. That's where they grow the Crazy. Obviously, these women have been exposed to some radiating from the sorting room or something.

[Kris]

Love it! I find myself saying this phrase now!

[tutugirl1345]

I always want to say stuff to annoying people at the post office, but I'm afraid I'd get shot.

[Lauren]

Sorry your trip sucked, but it definitely made for an entertaining read!

[aimee]

I totally just discovered the click and print (or whatever they are called) labels on the USPS website. The problem is getting your package weighted but maybe you can do that at your office? So much better than having to go to a post office. Ugh.

[Hilary]

I totally hate the post office, too. I don't understand how employees could be so unhappy and unhelpful. It enrages me. You are not alone.

[Cagey]

Our post office has a kiosk where you can do packages there. Of course, I only JUST figured this out on my last visit.

Also, add two kids running and giggling in this mix. My kids LOVE the post office and actually are fairly well behaved, but folks get irritated with them because apparently, a 20 month old and 3+ year old are supposed to stand quietly by me as I make my transaction. As opposed to enjoying the wide, open spaces there.

I think you can say fuck on twitter. I am fairly certain I have done it myself. Maybe. Perhaps.

Also, regarding the vault, I was always under the impression that was a marketing tactic to imply "rarity", thus creating the landrushes when they do release them. Also, it is probably a great way for them to get rid of the stinkers, such as Aladdin 2 and 3.

[Mama Bub]

First, calm the duck down will sweep the nation with it's fabulousness. At the very least, I'll be saying it ALL THE TIME.

Second, I was the person at the post office with ten packages the other day. There was only one person there when I got there, but as soon as I got in line a HUGE line formed behind me and I broke into a cold sweat. Fortunately, the postal worker (the only one working) was surprisingly efficient, Bub kept the screeching to a minimum AND all of my packages were properly addressed and sealed.

[Sarah]

I'm going to have to start using that phrase. Oh, and I agree about the post office. I hate it. I think they find the most incompetent people and then put them in charge.

[magpie]

Wow.

I kind of hate the post office too - but our clerks would have told that woman to step aside.

[FishyGirl]

I use the kiosk machine thingy in the front, preferably when the post office isn't even open, so I don't have to deal with the people. It is the best thing about the post office.

[Colleen]

I am amazed by the people and situations you come across. Absolutely hysterical.

[misguided mommy]

omfg i would have ducked those bitches up!

i can not handle commotion like that

[Stacy]

The post office makes me crazy too. I use that Automatic Do-it-yourself machine thingy as much as possible. The lines? Make me shiver and twitch and the people, the SLOW-AS-DUCKING-MOLASSES PEOPLE!!!!!

Automated machine + afterhours = simple. fast. calm.

[Cindi ~ Moomettesgram]

Our post office system is so lame & getting worse. They refuse to hire more help even for a town my size (30k) I'm a former eBay Power Seller, but don't sell there anymore. I've spent plenty of time in the PO & switched to UPS.

I really like you're new "saying" and will be using it myself more!

[Cindi ~ Moomettesgram]

Just read your bio ~ really cool! I'm from CT ~ where's you go to college? Both DDs went to school here, although one started out of state in NH & finally is graduating after college try #4, in state ~ ha, how funny is that? And yes, we have lots of ice.

[Andrea]

Love "Calm the duck down!"... I might have to start using it!

I have stopped shipping packages at the post office and instead go to the UPS Store down the street. No stupid people in line and I can ship stuff there through USPS if I choose.

[Holmes]

Wow, what an awesome little bit of post office theater. Beautiful.