Doug v. Go Gurt

On the way back from vacation we stopped for lunch at Panera. Michael ordered the grilled cheese off the kids menu, and it come with an organic yogurt in a tube, what I call Go Gurt. (I know Go Gurt is a brand like Kleenex, but it's just easier.) (And, I've made Michael grilled cheese hundreds of times and he's never eaten them. But Panera's, he devoured.) (No this is not an ad for Panera) (Yes, I will stop with the parentheses.) This was Doug's first experience with Go Gurt. He had major issues with it. First he couldn't open it. Then, he couldn't understand why anyone would give a toddler yogurt in a tube and expect them not to make a mess. "Worst product I've ever seen. Worst idea I've ever seen. That's not usable" I heard over and over again. Doug is a little bit like the Paul Reiser character in Mad About You and obsesses about crazy ridiculous things. I for one, never, ever do that. Yesterday we went to one of the many preschool transition programs and met with his teachers. One of the teachers explained that we should try to pack as many things as possible in Michael's lunch that he could open himself. (See my fears were not unfounded.) And, she specifically pointed to Go Gurt, that it is impossible for kids to get those tubes open and they make a mess. Hours later Doug was still "uh uh, uh uh, uh. Told ya." Like I'm constantly buying the stuff or something.

Things I am Worried About Now That Michael is Starting Preschool, In List Form

So, Michael starts pre school next week after this crazy transition week. and I'm worried, but not about the "typical" stuff. I'm not worried that he will have problems adjusting to being away from me, he has been in a home daycare since he was 5 months old. I'm not worried that he will get in trouble, or not be able to make friends. I'm worried that I raised the most non independent three year old in the world. For example: 1. After he goes potty he comes out of the bathroom and he hands me his shorts and underwear and I put them on for him. He does not get himself dressed. 2. How will he eat his lunch? He can't put a straw in a juice box or open those little 100 calorie packs. 3. He just needs....help. Not mom, but help. He needs help remembering to go to potty, to put his shoes on (actually he can't put his shoes on either), to put his crayons away and to listen. Are all three year olds like this? Will he be the problem one who can't put his shoes on and can't put his straw in his juice box? Okay, fine, I know I try to portray this I'm totally cool with everything persona (what, it's not working? Really?) But, I'm still, just a little, worried. His home daycare provider knew him, loved him, accepted him. And he is going someone new. And I know in some ways it's going to be hard on him. And I don't want it to be hard on him. I have 4 days. That's totally enough time to teach him to get dressed, put his shoes on, put a straw in a juice box, and open one of those stupid snack pack thingies. Oh crap, he also needs to unzip a backpack, a lunch box, and come winter put a coat, hat and mittens on. Why do I do things for this kid? I've screwed him up for pre school!

I am Parenting a 3 Year Old Teenager

Michael has taken to calling us "mom" and "dad." Gone are Mommy and Daddy. And he is 3 and a half. He says "okay Mom" "sorry Mom" and "oh man" with such disdain and eye rolling I can imagine him going up to his room, slamming his door, playing some very loud grunge music, and smoking pot.

And, We're Back

So, vacation is over. And, like the terribley ineffective bloger I am, I forgot my camera. The only pictures I have are from my iphone camera. It started with an incredibley long drive to the outerbanks. Which we actually did over two days there and two days back. It seems silly, but Michael hate, hate, hates the car, won't nap in it, and is generally miserable. So we left Friday night, spent the night in Richmond, and finished the next day.

Michael loved his new "ear muffs" for the car. Michael had the most fun playing on the beach. He loved to dig, and run into the waves, and build sand castles with Daddy. Especially with Daddy. Only with Daddy. And you know what. I didn't care. It didn't matter that Michael loves Doug more or I'm not a fun mom.

I let Michael have his time with Daddy. Time that is important to him. Time that he doesn't always get.

 

I sat back and watched. Watched them play and laugh and giggle. Watched them hug and throw sand and play tag. And didn't begrudge them their fun or their happiness. I just wished that Michael would remember this. Remember his days at the beach with his dad. Remember how much his dad loves him

and loved this week at the beach.

His love for Doug doesn't diminish his love for me. His love for Doug doesn't make me any less his mom.

And I had time to knit and read.

The Very Big Village

Our last guest post is from Robbin, and I love this post because it says nice things about me! Just kidding, I'm not that narcissistic. I enjoyed a lovely dinner with Robbin last year, and I love her blog. I'll be back tomorrow, I promise.

Wow - my first guest post.

I am just as nervous as I was when I gave my first talk at a scientific conference. Only I am less worried about what I am going to wear.

Okay, I take that back. I am more nervous. When I give talks at scientific meetings, I have a role to play and a conversational "script" even if it is only in my head. I know what I am talking about. It's my research, and nobody knows it better than I do. It "flows". It's logical.

I blog because I am socially inept. I blog because I am excruciatingly shy. I blog because the degree of anonymity inherent in blogging allows me to stop thinking about how I LOOK to other people and more about what is coming out of my mouth (or fingers). It's funny, I had a woman friend of mine, a Muslim, explain about the wearing of her haircloth and modest clothing. She says she actually found it liberating because she felt it de-emphasized the way she looked and let her "real" self show through.

I got it. I understood.

So when Jodi found out I came to her area regularly on business and suggested we get together for dinner, my first response was "Great!", immediately followed by "Oh, shit."

I was excited because I cherish the online friendships and it's fun to finally put a face with the "voice". And, let's face it, business travel is monotonous and dinner company which isn't expecting me to discuss, well, business, is a rare and welcome change. But despite what I do, I don't invest a lot of money in slick businessware. Chinos or wool pants, business shirts, sweaters and corduroy blazers are the extent of my travel wardrobe. I wear jeans to work. Meeting with sophisticated big-city professional-career-type moms lead to the usual agonizing over clothing-makeup-shoe combinations, trying not to look like an unwashed philistine in the presence of a sleekly coiffed, manicured, coutured lawyer-mom.

I was right about the cute-sleek- well-dressed part. The wonderful surprise was that Jodi was also warm and funny, with a "get-real" attitude toward motherhood that was an enormous relief to a person like myself, who navigates a minefield of overachieving motherhood among those in my professional life. Combined with the fact that she picked out a pretty darn good Indian restaurant (my all-time favorite food), it was a great evening.

Business schedules haven't allowed me a reprisal, but I have enjoyed the text/email/bloggy friendship we have had - trading mom and professional advice on everything from weird viral manifestations to potty training to Thomas the Tank Engine and the finer points of maintaining sanity during children's entertainment [The general concurrence is that ALL theaters should sell adult beverages at the concession area. Particularly before all children's features. God Bless New Orleans.]

And I was grateful to be given the opportunity to remember that we are all people behind the words and the Wordpress/Blogspot themes. That our lives go on beyond what we share. That there is a very big village out there that help me me raise my son and hold my hand - figuratively if not literally - through the times I don't know what the hell I am doing. Best of all, they reassure me that nobody really knows what the hell they are doing in this big experiment called parenthood, but it's all okay because, really? We end up in the same place.

And that I still don't have to worry so much about my clothes.

That has been the very best part of being a blogger.

DCMM: Why Exactly Does My Child Need to Transition to Preschool?

Michael, my three and a half year old, starts preschool this week.  Kind of.  The preschool he is going to has a "transition plan."  And although some moms are sad when their kids start school, I'm just annoyed.

What exactly is a "transition plan?"  I work 20 hours a week and my son has been in daycare 3 days a week since he was 5 months old.  I understand that this is not true of all children, but the "transition plan" is wreaking havoc on my work schedule.  I will basically not be at work for two weeks while he is "transitioning."  And since I was on vacation last week, that's three weeks gone.

It starts this week with two days of "meet and greets" one hour each.  Um, an hour doesn't give me much time to do anything except drop him off, grab coffee, and pick him up.  And then I have to go to to these meet the teacher things for 15 minutes each.  And then there is the mandatory parent orientation without childcare.  And two back to school nights, also without childcare.

Next week the actual school starts, but for the first week there is no before or after care.  So Michael is in school for a total of 3 hours for 4 mornings.  Oh yeah, I'm totally getting a lot done in that period of time.

I'm not trying to complain, I really like the school we picked.  And it's not one of those hoighty toighty we promise to get your child into Harvard preschools.  It's a small, friendly, play based school that places a lot of emphasis on your child's adjustment.  And that's great.

Except, I really don't think pre school is set up for working parents.  Between the "transition plan" and the school calendar which includes more days off then they are actually in school, I'm just not sure how I'm fitting in working in my "transition plan."

Guest Rant: I Hate Reading...Logs

Our guest poster today is Devra, another one of the DC Metro Moms, and also friend in a real life. But, long before she was my friend, she helped get me over my guilt about not breastfeeding when we appeared together on Motherhood Uncensored blog talk radio show. Would it really be Jodi's blog without a rant? Of course not. So here I am here to guest rant while Jodi is off on vacation where I'm sure she is hoarding her rants for when she returns. So without further ado, let me rant...

Reading logs. I am going to rant about reading logs. Let me be perfectly clear, I am not against reading books, just the opposite. Hell, I am an author, so obviously reading books is something I want people to do and I do myself. What I am raging against is the idea my children must be required to fill out a weekly reading log for school. My children are readers, my husband and I read to our kids. There is probably more reading going on in our household on a weekly basis than the playing of video games. We live in the kind of house where our kids will sneak a flashlight under their covers to finish a book way after bedtime. My husband and I have had conversations that go like this:

The Huz: "He's up reading. It's midnight. I hate to tell him to stop reading, but it's really getting late."

Me: "Yeah, I know. It's not like he's doing something bad. It's reading after all. But the kid needs his sleep."

The Huz: "Well, I know how it feels when you really are into a book and want to finish it. I'll see how many more pages he's got."

Me:" That works for me, if he has more than 10 pages, we could let him know he can finish in the AM."

The Huz: "Will do."

Look, I realize my kids are not representative of all kids. Not all children are enthusiastic readers, not all kids have access to books at home nor can afford to buy books. Not all parents enjoy reading or read to their children, there are parents who won't/can't get to a library. I get that. Totally. For these kids, reading logs make sense, these kids need the extra push, they may require more direction on what to read, need assistance in learning about the importance of picking up a book and reading independently.

What I am concerned about is my kids already read for pleasure, they already find reading fun, they already are enthusiastic readers. My kids do not need to have their reading monitored by the school. They do not need pizza as an incentive to read. (And it's another rant entirely about how schools use food and candy as rewards in classrooms, I hate that too! Go print this and bring it to your school!)

The reading logs only stress my kids out and create an atmosphere where they no longer see reading as fun, they see it as an assignment. Or even worse, something they need to do in order to get a reward. I am angered they are being influenced by the school system to perform like a circus animal so they can receive an external reward for a skill they already possess and have internalized as something they value. My kids do not need the school to regulate their reading.

In fact, my kids read so much that when we looked at the Summer Reading list, we determined there was no need for our kids to worry about it because they had already read 90% of the books listed!

So what have we done about this? We don't fill out the logs. Are you horrified? Think we are terrible people for bucking the system? For kids like ours, we don't need that system. It's useless to us. But we buck it in a responsible manner. We've been known to send in a note to the teacher letting them know our kids are voracious readers and we will not be logging in their reading. We've even told teachers at our Parent/Teacher conference we aren't going to fill out the log. And you know what? The earth did not open wide and we did not get sucked down into hell. The teacher didn't fail our kid either.

I'll end my rant with clarifying, I believe reading is fundamental. I have the utmost respect for teachers and their desire to promote reading. I just don't believe required reading logs are fundamentally important for every single student from Kindergarten to 12th grade.

What's your read on it?

A Study of Loss & Symmetry

Our guest poster today is Tiffany, who used to write a great blog, jail diet, one of my favorite blog titles ever, but stopped. Tif lives in Chicago. She is an MFA candidate in Performance Art at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, and an arts educator who integrates the practice of non-violence with the Shanti Foundation for Peace. Currently she’s in New York City for the month of August to costume “Lady,” a show off-Broadway in the West Village. She can also be found here.

What does it mean to be lost, if it’s always somewhere?

I washed my favorite pair of black knee socks. While folding the laundry, I had only one of the two. After re-tracing my steps, it was nowhere to be found. Where did it go? Into the mystical sock vacuum where all missing socks go! For over a year I kept it in this one section of my sock drawer: The Sock Lost & Found. And after a year, I finally threw it away in the garbage. Within days after throwing it out, I found the other black knee sock. It seemed to appear out of nowhere. It was, after all, “right here” all the time. But, my year’s worth of holding on to the sock mattered nothing now as now this poor sock, the once missing sock, is now, again, one of a kind-- forever. I figured that throwing this newly found sock away in the garbage would somehow put them, well, in the same place—where they can be together (at least spiritually).

I taught a physical theater workshop for high school students at Northwestern University with my husband about a month ago. At the end of it, I saw one of the girls staring at the floor, navigating it closely with her eyes. She had lost one of her earrings during the final showings and was seeing if she could find it – remembering where she heard it drop near the radiators. I jumped in to help her, but after ten minutes we all gave up. “No big deal,” she said, “I made it myself. I could probably make another one.” I replied to her, “Well, good thing it wasn’t grandma’s heirloom!”

When we got home I noticed that the book I had ordered a month earlier on Amazon had finally come in the mail. It’s a remake of a Japanese craft book about repurposing old socks and gloves to make into children’s toys and quirky eco-gifts. Thumbing through the designs, I realized that somehow the lost earring and the lost or missing glove or sock had come together in the same day, nearly an hour apart from one another.

If something of a pair has been lost, it must be out there somewhere—it doesn’t just disappear. But, where does that item go? What does it mean that it has disappeared to us? And what is the person supposed to do now with only one of something that was once a pair? Why do we tend to hold on to that one object in hope of eventually, someday, finding the missing half of the pair?

It’s socially correct to wear matching earrings, gloves, socks, cufflinks, etc. because wearing the objects in pairs on the body slightly mimics the body. The symmetry of the objects in two mimics the duality of the body; symmetry in the body is longed for as our beauty (supposedly) lies in symmetry.

Sometimes these objects that we lose are precious, and sometimes these objects are quite meaningless. However, I think it’s our human nature to go on a quest to find the other object, to give it purpose, to lessen the bourdon of having to replace the object, and to seek the joy when we (or someone else) finds it. And, oddly, no matter how important the object is to us that we lose of a pair, we are somehow saddened by its loss.

Here is where perhaps you can come in to help me physically explain this act of collecting loss in an abstract, artistic way. In December, I am curating a gallery piece at the Sullivan Gallery in Chicago. While the piece is still in an early phase, I am looking for submissions from people around the world who have held on to an object that is one of a pair, a pair that is now incomplete due to loss. It can be a sock, or something more substantial. I am interested in your personal story of what the object meant to you, how you lost it, and why you held on to it. Also a photo of yourself (maybe even with the object). And, most importantly, the object sent to me in Chicago. These artifacts will be artfully arranged amongst other lost objects for one month. It will be a way for these objects, like my black knee socks, to collectively find peace together.

If you are interested in participating, please send me an email at tif@tifbullard.com and I will contact you with more details.

Potty Talk

Our next guest post is a former DC Metro Mom Nancy, who is also a huge Washington Capitals fan. Her post is about one of my least favorite topics, potty training. Editor's note: I just have to add that this post can not come at a more timely time. Michael has stopped using the potty on vacation. Vacation potty training regression can happen, right? right? During the past several months, our lovely hostess Jodi and I have both been struggling to achieve a common goal: potty training our little ones. Both Michael and Rosie have been fairly successful -- so it looks like our days of Pull-Ups are numbered. Maybe I can finally toss that stinky Diaper Genie. YES!!! It's amazing how intensely you can live and breathe (though most thankfully not taste) the whole potty training experience when you're going through it. Seriously, it got to the point in our house where we were having several conversations about the potty each day: grandparents would call and ask about the potty, day care providers would provide a status of Rosie's toileting habits, and even Mimi (Rosie's big sister) would be giving bathroom pep talks. It's funny that potty talk is pretty much taboo in society -- EXCEPT of course if you have a family member who is learning "to go" on a schedule. Then you're talking about poop, pee-pee, body parts, wiping, and all that fun stuff. (And sometimes you have to congratulate your preschooler enthusiastically on her recent, ahem, success while your coworkers are gathered in your office for that 10 AM meeting. That's always fun.) An interesting side effect of potty training is that I could write a detailed report on practically any restroom in the DC metro area. I've seen all kinds of bathrooms in the past several months, ranging from the best (cleaner than my kitchen on an average Friday morning) to the most deplorable (clogged toilets and unmentionable filth). With a potty training youngster, that old adage rings true: when you gotta go, YOU GOTTA GO. Making liberal use of hand sanitizer and paper towels if needed, of course. (I seriously do think us moms with potty training kids could perform an important public service. Perhaps a review site like Yelp, but with ratings for public restrooms. Ratings factors could include toilet height, stall size -- i.e., whether there's adequate room for those camper-sized strollers, and the presence of those evil auto-flush toilets.) Although all aspects of potty training should be old hat to me by now -- my 6 year old has been potty trained for years -- I forgot the significance of Motivational Underwear until we started working with Rosie. We're not big on character clothing in my household, for the most part. However, we've found that our girls are highly motivated not to have accidents when they're wearing Dora the Explorer or Disney Princess panties. (The downside? The girls LOVE to show off their character panties to random people in the grocery store and post office.) Speaking of that switch to big kid underwear, it's tricky to properly dress your youngster during potty training. No overalls, no long dresses, and no items with tricky fasteners (a.k.a., anything more complex than simple elastic at the waist). I've been tempted to keep her in pajamas all day at times. And without the added bulk of the diaper, all the pants that previously fit Rosie fell to her ankles the first time she wore them with underwear. I had to salvage some size 2T bottoms from the donation pile for the summer -- they're a bit short, but at least she won't be mooning all the other kids at day care. Such a lot of work, this potty training. It's almost enough to make me sentimental for the days of diapers. (Nah. Maybe not.)

Qualities of Great Websites for Children

Today’s guest poster is Leticia from Tech Savvy Mama, Tech Savvy Mama is a site that helps parents find quality technology products for their children and today Leticia shares her tips on what to look for in good websites for children.

I love the internet. I spend a lot of time online….Probably way too much! Before I check myself in to a 12 step program for internet addiction, it is my job to be online. I’m an elementary school Technology Magnet Coordinator by day and Tech Savvy Mama by night. I love the accessibility of everything via the internet. You can find a wealth of information with a few keystrokes and a couple clicks but not all the stuff out there is great. Actually, very little of it even qualifies as good. And when we are trying to find great sites for children to use, it can be even more difficult.

Since my work worlds revolve around technology, I am always being asked about my favorite sites for kids and how I know the good form the bad. On Tech Savvy Mama I have a Website of the Week feature and friends always want to what criteria do I use in selecting websites for my Website of the Week. Here are a few tips to keep in mind when finding great sites for your kids:

Navigation- When evaluating websites, I look for sites that are easy to navigate. This means that the initial page has a user friendly layout. The first page fits on the computer screen and no scrolling is needed to view the entire content. The page is designed so that links to other pages are easy to find. The site doesn’t need to be complicated with moving images, lots of graphics or tons of text. Simple is better.

Age appropriate content- A site must have age appropriate content. For a preschooler who is just beginning to read, there shouldn’t be an overwhelming amount of text that they will need to read in order to navigate the site. Activities and games should be just right for the child and not too difficult.

Minimal ads- There should be few or no ads on sites for children. With an abundance of ads, young children are often enticed by the images such as fast food restaurants logos, favorite television characters, and toys. Children click on the familiar out of curiosity that will lead them away from their game and on to another site. When this occurs, it is nearly impossible for a young child to navigate back to the original website. Not only is the child lost in cyberspace but often ad content can be questionable for preschool age children. In a frenzy of clicking to try to return to the original website, it only takes a few more clicks for a child to accidentally get to inappropriate web content. This isn’t such a concern for older kids because they are able to discern ads from site content whereas little ones can’t.

Spend some time clicking around- Always review websites before letting younger children use them. Make sure the content is appropriate and the site is age appropriate. Also, make sure the site actually exists. Sometimes URLs can be taken over by other sites of questionable content. It is better to be nosy than not in the know about what your kids may be doing online.

For more technology tips, great websites, and technology-related giveaways, visit Leticia at Tech Savvy Mama. Leticia is also the City Editor for Being Savvy Washington DC where she puts an educational twist on fun activities for 2-6 year olds in the DC Metro area and contributes to DC Metro Moms.