The Yelling

As parents, we always feel guilty when we yell. I was at a DC Metro Moms event on Saturday and we started talking about how we all can't seem to stop yelling, even though we know we shouldn't, even though it make us feel guilty. But we don't talk about it, because you don't want to admit to being "that mom." That's why I'm giving Kim and Lindsay's perfect post to Misguided Mommy. My heart broke for her so much after reading this I sicked Devra on her. Devra, who helped me with my own guilt over not breastfeeding, and is a big proponent of letting guilt go.

I yelled at Brandon this morning. I yelled at him because he wouldn't brush his teeth. I grabbed his arms with force and put him on his stool and shouted. I feel like shit. I want to cry. I hate myself for it. I know, I only yelled, I didn't hit him, spank him, even slap his hand, but to me it's worse. I hate these days. The days where I can't get a handle on my emotions. Where I start the morning feeling hot and cute and sexy and happy, and in an instant I snap. I change. I'm horrid. I feel it coming on, I can't control it. I want to make it stop, even as I'm yelling at him, I'm yelling in my head STOP IT SHANNON STOP GET CONTROL. I just pulled into work and I feel my defenses going up. I already know I will be hyper aware of him today. I will protect him, keep him from trouble and be extra nice. I don't want him to feel worse then he already did this morning when his own mom shouted at him.

The fact that she wrote it, that she said it, what so many of us do, what so many of us feel, but don't say. It made me just want to hug her and say, it's okay, it's okay. And I'm going to try to remind myself the same thing the next time I yell. ************************************************************************************* AND! For all you Mole watchers, I'm hosting a mole open thread tonight on mampop talk. Come on, you know you love The Mole. Even without Anderson Cooper. Came chat with me! I am THE MOLE.

Comments

[06/02/2008 at 06:19 PM]

okay, i'm not a mom (or the mole) but i treat my dog like she's basically my child. and when i yell at her i feel terrible. however, think of all the crazy stuff kids/dogs do to their parents (us) just to piss us off and either feel bad or not for doing it--mostly just to get our attention.so, think about it in reverse. does michael feel bad (so bad that he wants to cry and be upset with himself) every time you have to miss work because he's sick? probably not. so, you're allowed to yell once an awhile and realize that it's part of being a mom.it hurts, but don't be so hard on yourself. nobody wants to yell, but you know sometimes we have to follow our natural instinct to just let it all hang out.shouting isn't the answer or the way to solve things, but who cares. motherhood is not about perfection, it's about surviving and love.

[07/17/2008 at 01:17 AM]

hi my name is Chelle. I just wanted some advise. my daughter just started a crying fit for no reason. She is 5 yrs old. I tried to ignore it because I did not want to give her the expected attention that she wanted from her behavior. I promised myself that I would not yell at her anymore but it seems everytime that I promise myself this she just pushes more and more and I start yelling and then I feel like a bad mother and like a failure.I just yelled at her I think the worst that I can remember. She started crying for no reason and I ignored her and because she was not getting the attention from it that she wanted she cried harder and forced water out of her eyes. I still tried to not yell and I simply told her that because of her behavior she couldnt play on her webkinz on the computer. WRONG WORDS - she started letting saliva fall from her mouth (SHE HAS ABSOLUTELY NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE)I couldnt stand it anymore. I went on a yelling tirade and could not stop myself. I was hurt and angry. I am a good mother and I cannot understand why she is being so difficult and it has ben going on for a while now. I feel like all this yelling is going to come back to bite me in the butt later with her. I keep thinking it will cause her to have psychological problems as well.Somebody please talk to me!